attempt at resurrection

I think that I will try and do some blogging again. I think it could be good for me because I have all these random thoughts throughout the day and don't really put them down anywhere. Sometimes they feel significant at the time, but then the significance seems to fade so perhaps writing these in a blog would help me at least map my thoughts and see the things I'm thinking throughout the day. Hopefully I learn some things about myself.

My roommate, Alex, and his girlfriend, Kayley, are sleeping right now a few feet away from me. This of course reminds me of when I had someone to sleep with. My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago and it's quite strange. We had been dating for two years and everything we did had become a habit. Now it's difficult because I only know how to be her boyfriend, and am unsure of how to be just her friend. I also continue to feel urges to kiss her and hug her and do other couple related things with her. I'm not sure if that is because habit tells me to do these things, or if it's because I still truly love her. I think it's the former, but it's difficult to tell. Anyways, seeing Alex and Kayley sleeping peacefully with each other makes me feel happy inside but sad on the outside, does that make sense? I'm sad that I don't have anyone to sleep and cuddle with. "What we really loved was to sleep like babies all day long." That quote from the movie Me and You and Everyone We Know really resonates with me. I really loved just sleeping with her. Everything just slows down and all that matters is nothing at all because at that moment things are perfect. I'm happy because I'm witnessing a perfect moment.


Currently Listening:
Chairlift

Come On Skinny Love Just Last The Year

Come on skinny love just last the year

Pour a little salt we were never here

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer



I tell my love to wreck it all

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Right in the moment this order's tall



I told you to be patient

I told you to be fine

I told you to be balanced

I told you to be kind

In the morning I'll be with you

But it will be a different "kind"

I'll be holding all the tickets

And you'll be owning all the fines



Come on skinny love what happened here

Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Sullen load is full; so slow on the split



I told you to be patient

I told you to be fine

I told you to be balanced

I told you to be kind

Now all your love is wasted?

Then who the hell was I?

Now I'm breaking at the britches

And at the end of all your lines



Who will love you?

Who will fight?

Who will fall far behind?

And even though I tried
I couldn't them see
I wasn't quite the man they thought I'd be.

ephemeral..

I think it's true that people only ask "How are you?" only so that they can talk about themselves. I thought I was an exception, but no. I do it too.

Spirituality

Oops..was that the backspace button I just happened to accidentally hit? Oh well..

Lalala

I'm bored so I guess I'll post on here for the first time since forever, lol. Hmm..I've been getting lots of homework every weekend. That may be because of my classes, or it might just be that I procrastinate during the week... It's one of those times again that's not really unique to anyone. I'm in that mentality that I should just go to UIUC or maybe even community college just to spite my dad. I also really need to be nicer to my mom. She might be really slow and annoying sometimes, but she sticks up for me I guess. I really dislike when parents pretend to settle for something not up to their expectation and they say something like, "Well yea, it's just what you're capable of." It's kind of like a triple slap in the face. Yes, I know I'm capable of doing better. Yes, I know I should've studied more. Yes, I know you want me to do better. *shrug* Whatever. This is just another typical whine.

Currently Listening:
Patrick Wolf


p.s.
Click on the ads on my page. I make money when you do! 8P

it's been a while.

Your name here
Believe me
It's not what you think
Wish what you want
It's all the same to me
Well not really, but anyway
It's just it's nothing so simple
Nothing so silly
Nothing so mundane

Go east on Sunrise Highway
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue
Go right at the first stop-light
And I'll be outside, waiting for you
I'll Be waiting for you

Your name in lights
It was only a matter of time
Your name in parenthesis
Cause after this mess
I guess you bet
That I'd collapse before you do
Well maybe that's true
Or maybe it's not at all

Go east on Sunrise Highway
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue
Go right at the first stop-light
And I'll be outside, waiting for you
I'll be waiting for you

Go east on Sunrise Highway
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue
Go right at the first stop-light
And I'll be outside, waiting for you.

these days.

Well I've been out walking.
I don't do that much talking these days.
These days..
These days I seem to think a lot
about the things I forgot to do for you
and all the times I had the chance to.

And I had a lover.
It's so hard to risk another these days.
These days..
So if I seem to be afraid
to live the life that I have made in song,
it's just that I've been losing so long.

So I'll keep on moving.
Things are bound to be improving these days.
One of these days..
These days I sit on cornerstones
and count the time in quarter tones to ten, my friend.
Don't confront me with my failures;
I have not forgotten them.



Currently Listening:
These Days
Denison Witmer
Recovered

useless.

I feel helpless. I wish I was better. The reasons are just slowly dropping off.

hmm.

I wish Blogger allowed protected posts.

true.

It's real. I know it is.

8DDDDD!!!!!

<3

你的宝贝

return.

I haven't posted in a long while, and so many events have happened that deserve a posting. Let's start with Valentine's Day. 8D

Marissa gave me my first "cool" Valentine's Day. Actually, I should say Valentine's Days It was truly amazing, and I will remember it always. It all started with a note on Sunday night. The hunt then began. Hehe, in my hunt, I read The Giving Tree, found a box of chocolates, white chocolate, and many lovely notes. But it was on the night of Valentine's Day that I received the most special thing anyone has ever given me. It was totally unexpected and I was at a loss for words. It really was one of the best days ever. 8) Thank you so much baby.

The next day, my spirits sank because of my SAT score. It was a good score, really, but just not what I hoped for. It's ok though, I'm retaking it in May.

One-Acts went really well!! I'm very proud of all my actors and directing was a great experience. It was a little difficult because I was a beginning director directing beginner actors but oh well. It was still great. 8D

Lately, things have been slightly rocky, and stress levels are high. Frustration and irritation prevailed for the past few days, but things are starting to go smoothly again, and I've realised that this one is not just a fluke.

8) Life is good. Life is great. Life is unbelievable. ... wow I can't believe I just quoted LFO. -__- lameee 8P

Damnit.

At this rate, I'm never going to do that happy post. I'm sorry.

You can thank my parents for fucking over my mood. Fuck you Mom and Dad. Happy Chinese New Year.

nomality.

I can only hope that you don't overlook what I do, and that you won't take me for granted.

lonely.

During this period you'll feel dissatisfied and will speak of this to a close friend. At work, this moment appears to be favorable so strike while the iron is hot. In Love, this phase appears to be insatiable.\

This was my Horoscope for today. It's right.

This is the Beginning of the Second Semester.

This sucks.

History is Falling for Science

Give me your hand.
I'll show you where we stand.
'Cause you're always asking
When we'll reach the promise land.
And listen girl,
I don't make promises to anyone.
Just always know your wish is my command.

So cut the rope.
Let's give them another chance.
They're not the first ones to fake romance.
And can't you see, apologies bleed from their eyes.
But trust is all we need.

Let's go inside;
I've found the perfect place to hide.
And someday will never come
If we simply say our goodbyes.
And listen boy,
I can't live like this another day.
No one's real;
No one feels;
No one stays.

So cut the rope.
Let's give them another chance.
They're not the first ones to fake romance.
And can't you see, apologies bleed from their eyes.
But trust is all we need.

And all we need is time
Tonight we'll touch the sky.

So cut the rope.
Let's give them another chance.
They're not the first ones to fake romance.
And can't you see, apologies bleed from their eyes.
But trust is all we need.

2nd Survey.

2006 Forever

THIS YEAR:

[PEOPLE]
best friends: Kelsey, Sharon, Marissa, Oleh, Brandon, Max, Stephanie
lost any friends: Of course
gained any friends: Definitely.
[PLACES]
went out of the country: Nah
moved: Nope
new school: Nope
how many times on an airplane: Zero

[YOU]
have you changed: Yea
new look: Not really...
most depressed time this year: Last few months

[LOVE]
did you get heartbroken: Yes
who was your summer love: Didn't have one.

[SEASONS]
favorite Season: Can't choose
least favorite season: None
good birthday?: It was pretty good.
any snow this year: Yep! 8D

[FINAL QUESTIONS]
got arrested: Nah
kissed a girl: Yea
kissed a guy: No
got dumped: Yea
lost a family member: No
got bad grades: Not really
kept a secret?: Yea
told a secret?: Yea
done something you totally regret: Yea

In 2006 I...

[x] broke a promise
[x] made a new best friend
[ ] fallen out of love
[x] went behind your parents back
[x] cried over a broken heart
[x] disappointed someone close
[x] hid a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[ ] kissed in the rain
[x] layed under the stars
[ ] kept your new years resolution
[x] forgot your new years resolution
[x] met someone who changed my life
[ ] met one of your idols !!
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[ ] pretended to be sick
[ ] left the country
[ ] almost died
[x] given up something important to you
[ ]lost something expensive
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[ ] found out who your true friends were
[x] stayed up until sunrise
[ ] cried over the silliest thing
[x] was never home on weekends
[ ] got into a car accident
[x] gotten lost in a car with your friends
[ ] dyed your hair or done high lights
[ ] dyed your hair a weird color like fire engine red or violet purple or baby blue
[x] had friends who were drifting away from you
[ ] had someone close to me die
[x] had a high cell phone bill
[x] wasted most of my money on food
[ ] had a fist fight
[ ] went to the beach with your best friend
[ ] saw a celebrity
[x] gotten sick
[ ] liked more than 5 people at the same time
[x] became closer to a lot of people

-------<3----------<3-------<3----------<3-------<3----------<3-------<3--
2nd survey

2006:
[ ] Sucked for me
[ ] Was awesome!
[x] Was ok. It was awesome sometimes, then sucked sometimes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In 2006 I...

[x] Dumped someone
[x] Was dumped by someone
[ ] Dyed my hair
[ ] Failed a class
[ ] Fell in love
[ ] Had love at first sight
[x] Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend
[x] Snuck out of my house...does room count?
[x] Stayed up all night
[ ] Cried because I missed someone
[ ] Had detention(s)
[ ] Missed curfew
[ ] Kissed someone who I regret kissing
[x] Made honor roll
[ ] Didn't make honor roll
[ ] Danced crazily with my friends all night
[x] Gained confidence
[x] Lost a friend(s)
[x] Gained new friends
[ ] Changed my look

-----------------------------------------------------------

NEW YEARS:


What did you do to celebrate?:
Azn partay

What do you think the new year is going to bring?:
Same thing the old year brought.

Where were you at midnight New Years Eve?:
On the stairs on the phone with Marissa

Where were you last year on New Years Eve?:
Uh...shit I forget, haha.


--------------------------------------------------------------------

2007:

My first kiss of 2007: Hasn't happened
A word to describe 2006: ambivalent
In 2007 I will be turning: 17
Something I want to happen in 2007: Secure myself.
Something I don't want to happen in 2007: Fuck up my future
My theme song to 2006 would be: Too hardddddd, don't ask me questions like this!
My favorite color in 2006: Green
Summer 2006 was: Suckass, Community College sucks. But I did see Max and Sharon andddd Pitchfork!!! 8D
My best friends in 2006: Kelsey, Sharon, Stephanie, Brandon, Marissa, Oleh, Max
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Honestly, will you miss 2006?: Yea.

first survey.

FIRSTS--

First phone call:
Marissa

First text message:
Well, Marissa texted me before 12:00, but I didn't get it until 5:30...

First instant message:
Brandon

First show you watched:
Haven't watched TV yet..

First movie you watched:
Nothing yet.

First cry:
Nope

First injury:
My knuckles still hurt a little..

First instrument played:
None

First friend you hung out with:
Susan and Rachel

First hug:
Probably my sister, lol.

First song you listened to:
Oh snap...

First thing you drank:
Sobe

First thing you ate:
Some soup my mom made for lunch.

First thing you said:
Huh? Oh yea..Happy New Year..

First bath/shower you took:
This morning.

RANDOM QUESTIONS--
Where were you for the new year?:
Party...my house...Walgreens..

With who?:
Susan and Rachel

Did you witness or get into any fights?:
Yea, sorry.

What were you doing?:
Talking

Was that your original plan?:
No

Did you sit and watch the fire works? :
No

What are your New Years resolutions (if you have any)?
Derr...maybe later.

Puella Quam Amo Es Pulchra

I had a beautiful, beautiful time.
The drives and the talks were amazing.
The kind of friend I thought I'd never find,
I had a beautiful, beautiful time.
You have a beautiful, beautiful smile,
The way it curls and collapses on your lips.
When you touch me I shake like a child.
It's late, I'm afraid you might leave
'Cause sometimes it seems like
You still don't believe me.
There's nothing I can do to concentrate,
It's so distracting,
Always thinking of you.
So I expose and explain
And I meant everything I said,
And it's moments like this
That repeat and replay in my head,
When I'm laying in bed.
It's a beautiful, beautiful time.
As you laugh and roll onto your stomach.
The carpet embraces your design.
My heart pounds as I lay by your side,
And I find that I am unable to hide
All these feelings that flow
In this basement, and in this dim light,
you look so beautiful.
I'm unsure and unclear with the words that I say.
I'm happy when you're near,
And I wish that forever could stay
Just like today.
You have beautiful, beautiful eyes,
So bright and alive and enchanting.
I want to be with you all of the time.
It's hopeless but I have to try.


wheeee