attempt at resurrection

I think that I will try and do some blogging again. I think it could be good for me because I have all these random thoughts throughout the day and don't really put them down anywhere. Sometimes they feel significant at the time, but then the significance seems to fade so perhaps writing these in a blog would help me at least map my thoughts and see the things I'm thinking throughout the day. Hopefully I learn some things about myself.

My roommate, Alex, and his girlfriend, Kayley, are sleeping right now a few feet away from me. This of course reminds me of when I had someone to sleep with. My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago and it's quite strange. We had been dating for two years and everything we did had become a habit. Now it's difficult because I only know how to be her boyfriend, and am unsure of how to be just her friend. I also continue to feel urges to kiss her and hug her and do other couple related things with her. I'm not sure if that is because habit tells me to do these things, or if it's because I still truly love her. I think it's the former, but it's difficult to tell. Anyways, seeing Alex and Kayley sleeping peacefully with each other makes me feel happy inside but sad on the outside, does that make sense? I'm sad that I don't have anyone to sleep and cuddle with. "What we really loved was to sleep like babies all day long." That quote from the movie Me and You and Everyone We Know really resonates with me. I really loved just sleeping with her. Everything just slows down and all that matters is nothing at all because at that moment things are perfect. I'm happy because I'm witnessing a perfect moment.


Currently Listening:
Chairlift

Come On Skinny Love Just Last The Year

Come on skinny love just last the year

Pour a little salt we were never here

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer



I tell my love to wreck it all

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Right in the moment this order's tall



I told you to be patient

I told you to be fine

I told you to be balanced

I told you to be kind

In the morning I'll be with you

But it will be a different "kind"

I'll be holding all the tickets

And you'll be owning all the fines



Come on skinny love what happened here

Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Sullen load is full; so slow on the split



I told you to be patient

I told you to be fine

I told you to be balanced

I told you to be kind

Now all your love is wasted?

Then who the hell was I?

Now I'm breaking at the britches

And at the end of all your lines



Who will love you?

Who will fight?

Who will fall far behind?

And even though I tried
I couldn't them see
I wasn't quite the man they thought I'd be.

ephemeral..

I think it's true that people only ask "How are you?" only so that they can talk about themselves. I thought I was an exception, but no. I do it too.

Spirituality

Oops..was that the backspace button I just happened to accidentally hit? Oh well..

Lalala

I'm bored so I guess I'll post on here for the first time since forever, lol. Hmm..I've been getting lots of homework every weekend. That may be because of my classes, or it might just be that I procrastinate during the week... It's one of those times again that's not really unique to anyone. I'm in that mentality that I should just go to UIUC or maybe even community college just to spite my dad. I also really need to be nicer to my mom. She might be really slow and annoying sometimes, but she sticks up for me I guess. I really dislike when parents pretend to settle for something not up to their expectation and they say something like, "Well yea, it's just what you're capable of." It's kind of like a triple slap in the face. Yes, I know I'm capable of doing better. Yes, I know I should've studied more. Yes, I know you want me to do better. *shrug* Whatever. This is just another typical whine.

Currently Listening:
Patrick Wolf


p.s.
Click on the ads on my page. I make money when you do! 8P

it's been a while.

Your name here
Believe me
It's not what you think
Wish what you want
It's all the same to me
Well not really, but anyway
It's just it's nothing so simple
Nothing so silly
Nothing so mundane

Go east on Sunrise Highway
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue
Go right at the first stop-light
And I'll be outside, waiting for you
I'll Be waiting for you

Your name in lights
It was only a matter of time
Your name in parenthesis
Cause after this mess
I guess you bet
That I'd collapse before you do
Well maybe that's true
Or maybe it's not at all

Go east on Sunrise Highway
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue
Go right at the first stop-light
And I'll be outside, waiting for you
I'll be waiting for you

Go east on Sunrise Highway
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue
Go right at the first stop-light
And I'll be outside, waiting for you.